Essay+Peer+Edited+-+Matt+Kim





Sungwoo - Your essay is EXTREMELY long... your essay does not seem to lack in much, except the flow. Your transitions are a bit awkward or don't seem to exist when they are needed. For example, your very last body paragraph begins with "Ironically..." which doesn't seem to fit into this situation. Also, you are very vague with your words. Using the final body paragraph as another example, you use the word "her" many times throughout your essay, making it very vague as to which "her" you are talking about. Since the characters you are discussing are two people of the same gender, you have to very clear which character you are talking about. I would recommend replacing "her" by using "Waverly" or "Lindo" or even just the words "the daughter" or "the mother". Just use any method, but be sure to be very clear in which character you are talking about.