Keunwha+Song+Essay


 * Pick at least one mother-daughter pair, and examine to what degree each has fulfilled the American Dream. How does the importance and/or definition of the American Dream change between generations?**

1st draft

One of the stereotypes of Asians in America is that they have strict parents who expect their children to get All A's in school. Why do immigrant parents have humongous demands on their kids? Amy Tan, being an American Asian herself, portrays conflicts between immigrant parents and their Americanized children in her novel //the Joy Luck Club//. The desire of success greatly differs between immigrant parents and kids. All of the mothers in the novel have been through unimaginable pain in their lives. Daughters, who are used to relatively abundant life of America, have difficult time understanding why their mothers are so obsessed with success. They do not feel immediate necessity of being rich at all...

The four members of the Joy Luck Club, Suyuan, An-mei, Lindo, and Ying-ying all have dream of their daughters' success in America. All of them escaped tumultuous China and settled in America for better lives, and they sure don't want their daughters to feel the same hardship they went through. [put examples of hardship]

Daughters of the mothers, Jing-mei, Rose, Waverly, and Lena are not very interested in talent, prodigy, and wealth. Before even dreaming of their own life, they were forced to follow certain path. The repression gave them awkward obligation that not many normal kids dream of: being free. Their American Dream was gaining individualism. [put examples of daughter's personal problems and conflict with their parents]

The two groups are extremely different in the first place. Mothers went through multiple chance of possible death from invasion, observed family's death, emotional death from forced relationship, and so on. On the other hand, daughters are the ones who never had to worry about getting married to 60 year old man, getting shot, or getting jettisoned from refuge. Their dreams reflect who they are.

Self-reflection It's first draft.. I don't have much ideas yet. I must add more detail and examples of the story. I am still looking for suitable quotes.

John Lee I think you really have the basic skills that you need to be a senior. So congratulations!! Keunwha it is interesting that you used and kept your focus in many of the pairs, but honestly, because they are not clear, your main point seems to be varying too. Your grammar and spelling is good. Also, use quotes and make sure to fill in the example.

Jeffrey Ahn I'm glad your grammar and basic writing skills exceed John in numerous ways. However, you need to develop your ideas by providing evidence through quotes. Your basic structure is there and the paragraphs flow smoothly as well. you just need to add examples.

Dongmin Lim One of the stereotypes of Asians in America is that they have strict parents who expect their children to get All A's in school. Why do immigrant parents have humongous demands on their kids? Amy Tan, __being(unneccesary)__ an American Asian herself, portrays conflicts between immigrant parents and their Americanized children in her novel //the Joy Luck Club//. The desire of success greatly differs between immigrant parents and kids. All of the mothers in the novel have been through unimaginable pain in their lives. Daughters, who are used to relatively abundant life of America, have difficult time understanding why their mothers are so obsessed with success. __They do not feel immediate necessity of being rich at all__ ( Get a better finishing introductory sentence that could sum up and emphasize your point).__..__ (one period)

The four members of the Joy Luck Club, Suyuan, An-mei, Lindo, and Ying-ying all have dream of their daughters' success in America. All of them escaped tumultuous China and settled in America for better lives, and they sure don't want their daughters to feel the same hardship they went through. ( HEY, whrere is your topic? Every body paragraph needs a topic that related to the thesis) [put examples of hardship]

Daughters of the mothers, Jing-mei, Rose, Waverly, and Lena are not very interested in talent, prodigy, and wealth. Before even dreaming of their own life, they were forced to follow certain path. The repression gave them awkward obligation that not many normal kids dream of: being free. Their American Dream was gaining individualism. ( SAME FOR THIS PARAGRAPH, dude your thesis is vague so I don't really get the point of each body paragraphs, fix your thesis first and edit your body.) [put examples of daughter's personal problems and conflict with their parents]

The two groups are extremely different in the first place. Mothers went through multiple chance of possible death from invasion, observed family's death, emotional death from forced relationship, and so on. On the other hand, daughters are the ones who never had to worry about getting married to 60 year old man, getting shot, or getting jettisoned from refuge. Their dreams reflect who they are. ( No thesis, no conclusion. I reccomened you to rewrite this essay)

Keunwha, you should take more time into this essay. Even though this might be a first draft, you should take this more seriously. I know you are a talented writer, and I hope to see a better essay using your true potential. Anyways, good effort and I look forward to your work,